Suppose
by Jasmk16
Summary: She wanted to think. She wanted to wallow alone in her misery without having to mask the pain for the rest of the world.


**Note**: **_Happy New Year!_**

Just needed something to clear my writer's block.

Hope you **enjoy**! ;]

Set the night of TFJ&B

"_Suppose that I missed you. Suppose that I care._

_And suppose that spent all my nights running scared  
And suppose that I was never there…_**"**

* * *

The rose colored convertible had been on the cold and dark road for at least an hour. There was no destination in mind for the thoughtful driver as eyes remained on the growing familiar road. It was still new having a license for only a week. The driver couldn't help but think how having the legal right to drive had its benefits on such a night. Now she understood why people chose to go for a drive when they wanted to clear their head. It helped, to a minimum level, but did it help. In a way it was the closest way to run away from torturing thoughts. They didn't leave completely, but they managed to grow numb in the back of her mind.

The song played in the back of her mind, the words echoing with great effect. A signature smirk on the face of the singer when the song ended lingered in the driver's mind. Blue eyes had focused so brightly on the Canadian boy when he got on the stage and announced he'd missed the singer. Biting her lip, the driver recalled the smirk that crossed the singer's lips before she challenged the boy and asked what he planned on doing about the situation.

She should have expected, seen it coming really, but she couldn't help fell a tightening sensation in her chest as the couple on the stage locked lips. Forcing brown eyes away and to her best friend, she smiled at the tall singer. The small banter about the red head being single had been an attempt to divert her disappointment, but the boy's response caught her off guard. She was a dangerous person. Maybe she was. She was anything but innocent really. Risking a glance in be direction of the stage, the brunette immediately regretted it when once again she caught the couple kissing. Digging into her purse and finding her car keys, the actress took off without a single word to anyone before driving into the night.

An olive skinned hand wiped away furiously at the tears blurring the brown eyes. Somehow she'd found her way on the highway and ended up on the road that led to her favorite quiet place. Pulling into the empty dirt road, the brunette shut off the engine of the car. To her luck the place was empty with only the company of the curious mountain critters who kept to themselves. It had been a while since the actress had been up to Mulholland Drive. She would often go up to the place with a few friends from Sherwood high school to enjoy the great view of the city. With time she eventually stopped going up to the place and grew to miss the silence of the night. It was the perfect place to be alone with her thoughts. It was all she wanted. She wanted to think. She wanted to wallow alone in her misery without having to mask the pain for the rest of the world.

Grabbing the emergency blanket she kept in the back seat of the car, the brunette stepped out of the car and spread the duvet over the hood before climbing up on it and sitting over it. The building lights looked truly amazing from a distance lighting the sky. At such a height, she had the fortune to enjoy the clear night sky too. Curling her knees up to her chest, she rested her chin over her knees and allowed herself to cry freely. The entire drive she'd wanted to scream, she'd wanted to cry out and hit something, but at that moment she found herself unable to do any of it. All she could do was cry silently into the night with a tightening feeling over taking her chest as thoughts of a raven haired girl consumed her mind. The mesmerizing azure eyes drove her wild. The way they always looked at her sent shivers down her even when harsh words were coming out of the owner's mouth.

Remembering the way those blue eyes had looked at the Canadian earlier created more tears from the brunette. The goth would never look at her in such a way. She would never look at her in such an adoring way, the way the actress wished she could feel for her. Sniffling, brown eyes looked over at the city lights. Somewhere among the city lights a red head was laughing with a ventriloquist, a song writer was flirting with a new girl, a dancer was arguing with an elder woman, and an actor was holding the most beautiful blue eyed singer the brunette had ever seen.

She wondered if anyone had noticed her absence yet. Would anyone notice? She checked her phone and sighed in disappointment finding no missed calls or text messages. Why would they miss her? She smiled bitterly to herself and shrugged. It didn't matter, not really. All her thoughts were too overtaken by the girl who would never return her affection. She couldn't care less if anyone had called or tried to contact her. She knew allowing herself to mediate in such a broken state would later result badly when she had to be around the raven haired girl, but the actress couldn't give a care in the world about it in that moment. For once she wanted to allow herself the freedom, even if it meant crying alone in a secluded park at night.

Despite all their differences the brunette could not help but be drawn to the mysterious goth. She was truly a puzzle the actress was more than willing to decipher. She wasn't sure how she was going to get over the distraught feelings of the goth. The actress wasn't sure what she'd been expecting all that time she'd grown close to the singer. During the break between the newly reacquainted couple she and the goth had grown close. They weren't friends, but they weren't far from it. Somehow the actress had allowed herself to create the smallest hope that perhaps the singer would in time return the feelings. She was in love with the singer. She had been for the longest time, but she knew deep down it would never be returned because the singer's heart belonged to another. It belonged to her friend.

Noticing headlights from an approaching car, the actress sighed. All she wanted was to be alone and wallow in her heartbroken state, but the unexpected visitor had other plans. The actress jumped off the hood and onto the ground. She kept her back turned away from the approaching car ignoring it as it made a complete. Brown eyes took in the city lights before smiling sadly. She would never be able to light up in such a way with an empty feeling in her chest.

"Looks like someone finally got their license," a husky teasing voice stated.

The sound of the familiar voice sent shivers down the brunette. She slowly turned to meet the sea blue eyes that often left her breathless and stood speechless.

A smirk grew across the singer's features as she eyed the brunette before her expectantly. She had her arms crossed and her head slanted the slightest as she raised a brow.

"Jade," Tori finally managed finding her voice. "I was just leaving," she said with a nervous laugh ignoring the girl's comment.

"Your blanket says either wise," Jade smirked gesturing to the blanket over the car hood.

Tori blushed rubbing her neck nervously. Trying to avoid the hard gaze of the goth, brown eyes looked down at the car keys in her hands. "Right. I should get going. You probably want to be alone with Beck," the hint of sadness was barely audible as Tori spoke and gave the biggest smile she could muster. "I'll uh see you later," she turned to grab the blanket from the hood but stopped as a warm hand took hold of her wrist.

"I didn't come with Beck," Jade said her hold softening on the girl.

Brown eyes remained on the ground as the words echoed in her head. She wanted to turn around and hug the goth, hold her and tell her how she felt. She wanted to jump up with excitement at the idea of Jade willing searching for her. "Why?" Was the only words that left the brunette's lips instead.

Jade tugged Tori's wrist causing her to turn around to face her. Blue eyes met soft brown in search of something. Tori switched her balance between her feet feeling uneasy as blue eyes continued to stare.

"You're not an easy person to find, Vega. It was strangely quiet without you in the crowd," Jade answered.

Brown eyes desperately tried not to water up in grief of the girl's response. Of course. Why of all people would Jade care to search for her willing? The group must have noticed her absence and split up to find her, Tori reasoned. Freeing her hand from the goth's grasp she stepped back. "Well you found me," she smiled. "I'll text the everyone that I'm fine and just went home." She added swallowing the heavy lump of emotions threatening to overtake her.

"Vega," Jade began.

"Look Jade, I'm sorry you had to waste your time looking for me. I know you'd rather be back at the Full Moon Jam with Beck," she apologized shoving her hands into her jean pockets. The temperature had dropped making the cool night cold enough to create smoke when they spoke.

"Tori," Jade said shaking her head. She tried to get the brown eyes to meet hers but failed when brown eyes remained glued to the ground. She couldn't figure out what had suddenly possessed the brunette to feel the need to lie to everyone. She hadn't gone home, that had been the first place everyone had gone to check. Why was she lying?

Brown eyes stared at a pebble on the ground with great interest. Managing to control the tears auburn eyes meet curious blue. "You don't need to stick around, Jade. You found me, now go back to the Jam." When the actress noticed the hesitance in the singer she added, "I'm fine, just wanted some nice mountain air." She smiled reassuringly.

"Tori," Jade said quietly. Her brows knitted together in concern, a foreign feature Tori was not used especially where it involved her.

"Please leave," Tori whispered her voice cracking. "I just want to be alone. I'm fine."

"Veg.." Jade began.

"_Please_, just go," Tori pleaded. "I _need_ to be alone." Not allowing a response from the other actress she turned around and walked over to stand in front of the hood of her car. She listened quietly for a moment as footsteps fading into the night echoed around the cold ledge. Awaiting the sound of the goth's vehicle to reach her ears she hugged herself to create some warmth. When the sound of the car's engine coming to life sounded she let out a tired sigh and kept her gaze over the cliff.

Tears streamed down her cheeks slowly as she stared out at the city lights. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to cry as she imagined Jade returning to the Jam and running into Beck's arms. The tightening in her chest returned at the thought as she trembled whether from the cold or the pain in her chest, she wasn't sure but both together made it difficult to breathe. What a bitter night. Just what she needed, she thought mentally rolling her eyes. She didn't mind it, just figured she deserved it. Andre had been right. She _was_ a dangerous person.

She'd fallen in love with one of her best friend's girlfriend. She'd tried desperately from the start to grow close with the singer only to be pushed and lashed at every single time. Despite every scarring remark from the Goth and every demeaning word she couldn't help but grow more fond of her. She'd almost given in to her feelings during their "date" at Nozu's and considered making a move, but when she saw the way blue eyes looked at her when they finished their duet she decided not to. She'd rather cherish that small moment in her memories. It was probably all she'd ever get from the goth, but she could take it. At least she thought she could.

The night had proven otherwise. When Beck kissed Jade Tori felt her world collapse before her eyes. Nausea threatening she turned away from the stage and tried to joke around with Andre about Cat's current status. She was glad he quickly shrugged off her comment and left, allowing her the chance to run off after she caught the couple kissing again. She'd been stupid to even consider the chances of anything between her and Jade ever happening. Jade hated her. She'd hated her from the start and would continue to do so for the rest of their school career.

A warm feeling covered her cheeks as tears continued to fall. Her cheeks must have grown numb from the cool weather, she thought dropping her hands to her sides. The feeling almost felt like a pair of warm hands. Brown eyes opened in curiosity when what felt like a thumb brushing her tears away startled her.

"Jade?" She whispered when brown eyes met blue.

"Please don't cry," Jade smiled softly

Tori couldn't help it. Her voice sounded so sweet and soft it cut through her, haunted her almost. "I can't help it. I-I..." She cried unable to finish her sentence. Her own hands covered the ones cupping her face desperately. "I just can't take it anymore. It's killing...it's _killing_ me!" She sobbed. Realizing she was crying before the primary reason she shook her head violently as she tried her best to compose herself. "I'm sorry. Please just go," she said pulling away from the singer. "Forget I said anything. I'm just being silly," she laughed dryly.

"Would you stop that?" Jade growled. "Tori look at me. Stop apologizing. Stop trying to help people and for once allow yourself to be helped." She cupped the actress' face once again and brushed away the tears. "I didn't come up here because of some search party. _I_ came here looking for you on my own. I needed to see you."

Tori gasped in surprise. She looked up at the taller girl and grew angry when she allowed the words to sink in. "What about Beck? He's probably worried sick looking for you," Tori said concern and annoyance in her voice.

"Will you stop worrying about everyone else for once?" Jade growled.

Tori stepped back. "You're insane, Jade! Go back to the Jam. You're probably causing Beck such a headache. He's probably worried sick."

"I'm not going anywhere. You're upset." Jade took a step toward the actress.

"That's the least of your concerns," Tori replied bitterly crossing her arms.

"You've never been this upset," Jade sighed.

"I'm always upset!" Tori laughed dryly pushing back her brown locks. "I guess I'm a better actress then we thought." Angrily wiping at the new tears she threw her arms in the air. "The only reason you're here right now is because I'm in such a state." She accused the goth.

Blue eyes grew hard at the accusation. "You actually _think_ I enjoy seeing you like this?" When no answer came from the brunette and brown eyes dropped to the ground Jade couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt hit her. Why wouldn't Tori think she enjoyed seeing her in such away? She'd treated the actress so poorly it could only be natural for the young Vega to consider such an idea. Slowly the pale girl stepped closer to the crying actress and gently took hold of the olive colored chin.

"Tori," she whispered as to not startle to girl. "I would never even dream of seeing you like this."

Determined brown eyes with threatening tears stared hard into the blue eyes. The trembling brunette was more than determined to get the words out and sound as convincing as she could muster. Inhaling deeply she spoke, "Jade, _please_ leave. Get back in your car, go back to the Jam and go back to Beck. He's waiting for you and I'm most certain you'd rather be with him right now then up here on a mountain where it's freezing." As the dark haired girl tried to interject Tori shook her head and went on. "I'll be just fine. I-I just need some time alone," she managed the last part failing and falling below a whisper.

She gently pushed aside the pale hand around her chin and stepped back biting the inside of her cheek. She couldn't cry anymore, she _wouldn't _cry anymore, not in front of Jade.

Jade stared at the actress her mouth agape. She'd never seen the girl before her in such a broken state. She could tell it was taking everything the girl had to keep herself from breaking again and it was all Jade could take. She'd never the strongly affection kind of person, but Tori was breaking before her and she didn't know how to deal with it. What could she possibly do to mend the girl that was always up and bright with huge smile? She was the one always helping others. The posture of the actress told the goth she was beyond the ability of being alone. Did Jade not know Tori hated alcohol she would have surely thought the girl before her was drunk.

"No," Jade simply said.

"No?" Tori scoffed. "_No_? You're always begging me to leave you alone and now that it's the other way around you're choosing to be in my company?" The actress angrily shook her head in disbelief turning around to face away from the raven haired beauty.

"Why do you want to be alone so desperately? It's not like you, Vega" Jade insisted.

Tori growled. "I just can't take it anymore!" she cried out turning once more to face Jade. "Happy? I thought I could control myself, tell myself that with time I'd get past it, but I can't! I just _can't_! You're not helping! You come around in search of where I am when I'm trying to get as far away from you as possible and just make it impossible!"

By this point Tori was trembling violently and crying freely as she spoke. Her jaw felt heavy and her body numb as she continued. "You want to know _why_ I want to be alone? Because I love you! I love you so fucking much it _hurts_ and just _hurts_ and I just couldn't take it anymore!" she continued to cry grabbing at her pink shirt over her heart in a painful way. "Not after tonight! I couldn't take it when you turned and pointed to Beck. I couldn't take it when he got up on that stage and kissed you. I couldn't! I just can't take it _anymore_! It's more than I can handle, Jade!" She sobbed, brown eyes staring brokenly into blue. "It hurts too much." Her hand clutched over the spot on her chest where she had felt a painful tightening as she allowed the goth to see her completely broken in pieces.

She had sworn never to let it happen, she'd never let the singer see in such a way, but it was all too much for the young Vega. It was far too late to back down. Brown eyes returned to the city lights for a moment as she inhaled and exhaled in attempt to calm down.

"I wasn't pointing at him," Jade whispered.

"What?" the tearful girl asked returning her attention to the singer.

"I wasn't pointing at him," Jade repeated much louder. "I was pointing at you."

Brown eyes questionably looked over at the taller girl. The actress recalled the event. The way the singer had thrust her arm in the direction of where Tori and Beck had stood together. She'd been singing along to the catchy song when the singer caught their attention. Tori had not taken the chance to consider that maybe just maybe Jade had been gesturing to her. In her thoughts all she knew was that piercing blue eyes were suddenly following the moving Canadian as he began to walk toward the stage.

Brow met in anger as the brunette shook her head remembering why she had driven off after the performance. Beck had gone up on the stage and Jade had challenged him. He kissed her and she'd kissed him back. She had not been pointing at her. She must have lost her mind. She was hearing what her heart wanted to, _yearned_ to, hear.

"You're lying," Tori whispered. "You kissed him." Fist clenched at the memory and new tears began to slip down numb cheeks.

Jade tried to approached the girl but stopped when the brunette stepped back. "It didn't feel right, Tori. I _thought_ I wanted him back when he got on that stage, but," she sighed. "Tori all I could think about was you. I wasn't pointing at him," she gave a small smile. "I was pointing at you. I saw you there standing beside him and you looked to beautiful. The words were meant to spite him, but when I got on that stage and looked out into that crowd my eyes fell onto you." Daring to close some distance between them, Jade carefully stepped closer to the violently trembling girl. "_You push me back, I push you back_, Vega. No matter what you've never given up on me. You've always been the one person who's always tried so hard despite how heartless I've been. _You're not afraid of me_."

Blue eyes softened when brown tired eyes met them. "I've been trying to figure you out for so long, I lost myself in the reality of the situation. The reason why it was so easy to let Beck go this time around was because deep down I knew you were here. I wasn't following Beck that night you went on your silly opposite date, I was following you. I wasn't afraid he'd kiss you. I was afraid you'd kiss him. I was afraid you'd kiss him and forget about me. And tonight when I was supposed to sound threatening and frighten him off, all my thoughts could do were wrap themselves on how much those words were meant not to scare anyone off, but to let you know that more than anyone you know me." Jade gave a small smile raising her hand to caress the tanned cheek. "You truly know who I am, Tori and you accept just like I am."

Brown eyes closed at the soft touch. The words sunk into her head, bouncing back and forth with the vexatious image of Jade and Beck on the stage locking lips. Again at the memory she tore herself away from the girl.

Shoulders slumped over with exhaustion from crying and jaw aching Tori sighed. "But you kissed him," she smiled sadly at the raven haired beauty. "I saw the way your eyes lit up when he got on that stage, Jade. You still care about him. He makes you happy." The words felt like they were growing heavier and heavier as they were spoken. "I just want you to be happy. Even if it it's not with me. I just want you to be happy," she repeated her gaze dropping.

"Tori," Jade began. She could see how much the words were hurting the actress. She looked beyond tired and in such agony it caused Jade's heart to hurt. Tori had fought for her for so long, she'd stayed by her side despite every push. Now it was her time to fight back. She wasn't going to give up, not when the one person who had devoted her entire being and was willing to sacrifice her own happiness for her.

It had taken the moment she separated from the Canadian's lips and looked over at where the actress had been standing to realize what she truly wanted had mysteriously gone. She'd kissed Beck out of habit when her approached her. Blue eyes had scanned over the crowd from the stage and a frown soon grew across the usually smirking lips when the brunette was nowhere to be found. She remembered how Tori had done everything seemingly possible to help the goth get back together with the Canadian the first time they broke up. There had appeared to be a disappointing glint in the brown eyes as they agreed to help. She remembered how she'd grown to love the sound of the young Vega's laugh over the past months and how her company was far from bad. She'd grown so used to it that when the brunette was nowhere to be found she understood how much she truly missed it.

It wasn't until Beck tried to kiss her again that it hit her. She didn't want to be kissing him. She didn't want to be held by the rough muscular arms. She wanted to held by the owner of the adoring brown eyes, the ones she constantly caught gazing at her in class. She wanted to be talked to sweetly, the way the young Vega had done when she called announcing she'd be going over after Beck had let her walk away and continued to do so as the goth fell asleep in her arms. It was that moment she realized the one true person who cared and had always cared from the start was the person who had not recognized the gesture the singer had meant specifically for her had left.

Tori had gone without a word and it had all but broken Jade's heart. After explaining to Beck that things between them couldn't return to the ways they were she took off to question anyone who could have any idea about the young Vega's whereabouts. Finally locating the eldest Vega who'd noticed the slightest hint of sadness in her younger sister, she'd managed to get the talentless singer to tell her where she could find the missing actress. Jade had all but maintained under the speed limit as she drove to the destination. Trina had told her how Tori enjoyed being alone whenever she was upset and how she loved going out to Mulholland drive to clear her thoughts.

Whatever pride had kept the goth's true feeling buried was thrown aside the moment blue eyes fell onto the lonely actress. She loved her. Jade loved Tori and it had taken her absence to realize it. It had taken the wrong pair of lips and the wrong shade of brown eyes to accept it completely. Jade West was in love with Tori Vega and as she stood before the vulnerable actress she knew there was no other place nor time let the girl who loved her know that she too loved her.

"I won't be happy without you," she whispered as she closed the distance between them. With that Jade took hold of the smaller girl's face in both her hands and looked directly into the milk chocolate colored eyes. "I want you, Tori. I want only you." With great tenderness she gave the girl a small smile before pressing her lips onto the brunette's own. Their lips fell into sync and moved fitting perfectly together. As their first of many kisses naturally ended, brown eyes for the first time that night looked at the singer in the adoring way they always did.

"I love you, Tori," Jade breathed against the girl's lips, their foreheads resting against one another.

A wide grin spread across the cool lips before claiming the singer's lips with her own in a feverish kiss. "I love you, Jade," Tori whispered.

The entire night Tori had been certain more than anything the girl she loved would never return the affection. She'd believed that only in her dreams would azure eyes look at her with such emotions. But as she stood in her arms on the most beautiful of sights she couldn't help but feel so content. She'd been wrong. She'd been wrong entirely and for once she couldn't careless that she'd wrong, because Jade loved her and that was all that really mattered.

A soft warm hand brushed away the unwelcomed tears. Blue eyes stared at her with wonder and adoration, a smile curling at the corner of the lips. "I'd rather be here with you," the husky voice of the singer's voice whispered assuring her there was not better place to be that night.

* * *

"_Suppose that I was wrong. Suppose you were here. And suppose _

_that I reached out and caught your tears. And suppose this fight just disappeared_…**" **

**-Secondhand Serenade, Suppose**

**Note**: Hope you enjoyed it ;)

Let me know what you thought of it, please.

**Review Please!**


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